Own Your Sexuality, Or Let Society Decide For you!- Don’t apologize!

 

As shocking as it may seem since age five I knew I was a freak and I loved sex. Yes! At age five I knew. The header on my blog is Elizabeth Berkley character in the 1995 movie, Show Girls( last yr marked it’s twentieth anniversary, and she stills inspire me today!).  Even though the movie wasn’t a box office hit or got slammed from Rotten Tomatoes critics, it still remains a cult classic. It was Berkley’s first gig aside from playing Jesse Tanner in Saved by the bell, and I thought (just like many others) she did amazing!

Nomi was an exotic dancer and made sure she was the best one in town wherever she goes. From strip clubs, to shows in Vegas, nobody was out beating Nomi. This movie came out in 1995 and I didn’t see it until I turned five (born 1993). Five? Yes, at age five. You see, my parents never ever talked to me and my siblings about sex, but when it was on TV or any other source…… they never re-framed us from watching. Except for porn (90s babies know at midnight what comes on at HBO or ShowTime/Cinemax). This movie intrigued me and excited me about female sexuality.

Whether it was HBO at night (sex documentaries, The L word), or any other sources….. I was very intrigued and fascinated by sex. The way the body glides and become hook to each while having freaky passionate sex. However, the family/culture I come from made me feel ashamed for ever having sexual feelings. I come from a Caribbean family where most of the men in my family are misogynistic (extremist). The way they would discuss about women in general made me question why the women in my family were ever married to them in the first place.

However, the men in my family were very sexual experienced then their wives. Even while in marriage (infidelity) they explored their sexual appetites with other women for a number of consecutive yrs. The women in my family knew this, but in a traditional Caribbean marriage “the wife always stays, no matter what the husbands put them through”. Out of all the men in my family (Uncles) the most misogynistic person was unfortunately my dad.

The culture in general can be very misogynistic, but I was hurt to see that my own dad was. If you don’t see women as equal, then as your own daughter am a part of that list too. Like I said he never talked about sex to me, but he always mentioned to me that a man looking for sex is far different from a woman looking for sex. Basically, men need to be sexually liberated, and women (hoes, as he calls) shouldn’t be. He would stress she only needs sex with her husband (whether she enjoys it or not).

 

I remember when the Tiger Woods sex scandal went down. He shamed Elin for leaving. He said God will punish her because she was supposed to stay and forgive him (another one of his misogynistic rants about if your man cheats forgive and stay). I was 16 at the time and stood up to him and stressed “had it been Elin doing the dirty work, she’s a whore right dad”? Again, he didn’t have anything to say because unlike the women in my family I was never afraid to express my liberation as a teen becoming a woman.

I realized I was more sexually liberated than the friends I hung out in high school. I think they were jealous and threatened how liberated I was, but also, how I didn’t live my life through society’s definition on how a woman should be. They were more concerned with being perfect in Gods eyes and being “wifed up”. I believe in God and have a personal relationship with him, but I have my own beliefs and choose to still live my life with no regrets.

It was funny because when I caught them doing something ungodly, I never judged them because they’re human.  But when it’s me, let the judgment come in. However, I wasn’t afraid of their words because, I live in my truth so no one use it against me. The ones who hide are always boastful until their dirt comes to surface. Once I graduated high school, I practically lost all my friends due to the fact we were all different people who had different beliefs (saw the world different). My liberation as a person (not just pertaining to sex) didn’t break us up, they were too judgmental.

My first yr and second semester in college I took a human sexuality course at MDC with Santos Nubia. I told myself once and for all I would come to terms with my sexual feelings. My liberation wasn’t always an easy journey because for yrs my family or society put so much pressure on not having those feelings….. or making sure I had a low body count ( mix enjoying sex with shame). Once I took the class and experienced amazing people in the class, Ms. Santos taught me that…….. your feelings are your feelings! Whether you’re open about or not, don’t rob yourself of those feelings….. or let society dictate them.

I use to put my mom and Piper Laurie character (Margaret White) in the 1976 movie “Carrie” in the same category. Both were sexual repression, and made having sexual feelings seem wrong. I understood Piper’s character reason of being a repression….. but never my mother. But I later learned not to judge. I wouldn’t want her to judge my liberation (I wouldn’t care if she did), so I wouldn’t judge her repression. Besides, being liberal is open to any idea even if it doesn’t hold the same value as yours.

 

I encourage ladies, your feelings or liberation is not synonymous with you being a hoe or slut. There’s nothing wrong with exploring, experimenting or questioning your sexuality. However, the importance of being safe and having morals is key, but in the presence of sex don’t rob yourself of your enjoyment. Sex is beautiful with all its wonders, but don’t let society control or dictate your sex life or sexual nature!

P.S: just because someone is sexual liberated, doesn’t mean that they can’t be loyal in a relationship, or that they don’t have morals.